I Love Living In These Apartments

I had kind of a semi 'out of body experience after work today. I was doing Laundry, not an activity I normally associate with that of the ethereal realm.

I went over to the Laundry Room as I've done for five or six years now. One of the Washing Machines was in use and the other was empty. Normally I kinda like to separate my dark shit from my light shit, call me racist whatever, but in the event there is only one machine available I'll just shove all my shit in there together. I ain't proud...or prejudiced. Such was the case this evening.

As I'm cramming all my shit into one Washing Machine I hear someone come about halfway down the stairs behind me. They stop. I go on about my business without turning around to see who it is 'cause I really don't give a shit who it is. After a few moments of silence I hear, "Did you move my Laundry out of that machine"? Without turning around I replied, in all honesty, "Nope". A few more moments of silence then I hear them going up the stairs again. Then I hear them come about halfway down the stairs again and say "Just so you'll know, if anybody moves my Laundry out of one of these machines it'll be the worst mistake you ever made".

It was at this point the semi 'out of body experience' kicked in. At this particular point in time I had no idea who was on the stairs behind me as I hadn't turned to acknowledge them. I had merely uttered an honest, one word reply to their question. For all I knew they were 6'5" and weighed 250 pounds. When I heard..."Just so you'll know, if anybody moves my Laundry out of one of these machines it'll be the worst mistake you ever made" something in my little brain just must have fired off in the wrong direction. I immediately busted out laughing. I don't mean just a little chuckle either, I mean I was laughing my ass off...loudly. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, I don't like doing laundry but it was just a normal, routine laundry day until I heard that. I turned around, at last, to see who had just spewed that ridiculous bullshit at me and commenced to become somewhat Demon possessed.

While still laughing my ass off I informed the individual, between maniacal bursts of laughter, of the following little piece of information: "Motherfucker I WISH that would be the worst mistake I've ever made! I've done a lot of fucked up shit and trust me, that won't even make the list. So why don't you just shut up, leave me alone, never speak to me again and let me do my Laundry before I DO make another mistake...that counts"?

Dude. That's just not like me. I'm a very laid back, easy goin' guy. I wasn't in a bad mood, not pissed about anything, hadn't even had a beer yet. Just something about a remark that fucking stupid that landed in a part of my brain that...well, I think if it had gone on much longer I would have turned green, swollen up to about five times my normal size, fucked my clothes all up and gone all Incredible Hulk on his ass. It could happen. Now, all these years later, I think I understand Dr. Banner's dilemma.

You have to remember I was laughing my ass off the whole time I was relating that little piece of information to them. He just looked at me and then went away. I continued doing my Laundry. As it turns out, he wasn't 6'5" and didn't weigh 250 pounds. He was a little scrawny fucker about my size in his mid to late twenties. Hell, I could have beat him senseless with that half a box of Tide and a couple of Dryer sheets. (That would have been a list-worthy mistake.) I'm sure he's convinced that I'm completely insane and for that moment I suppose maybe I was. Had he been 6'5" and weighed 250 pounds...I would have told him the same thing. I was still laughing as he went back up the stairs. I was still laughing when I walked back over to my Cave. I'm still laughing now. Worst mistake I ever made....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Just another day in The Cave.

Peace.