Vote For Me!

I'm not a real 'Political' kind of person, but I've been listening to these assholes for quite some time now. I'm not a genius but I'm not an idiot either. I fall into the same category as most of the people I know. I'm just a regular kinda guy that has a regular kinda job and live a regular kinda life with the same old regular kinda shit to deal with that we all deal with from time to time. Hey! It's LIFE. I'm smarter than some, dumber than others. I'm richer than some and poorer (is that a word) than other. I don't base my 'wealth' on how much money I have. I'm a very wealthy Man...I just don't have any money. I have my Son, my Family (as crazy as they may be) and a handful of people I call friends. I've got a good job (in that I have one, not that it pays good), my co-workers are cool (except for that little fucker in the cubicle next to me that bounces that goddamn tennis ball around all day...he's about to die) and I'm so far in debt that I don't even worry about it anymore. Life is good.

I've been listening to these assholes that are running for President. That's right. I said it. ASSHOLES! Both of them are ASSHOLES! Assholes is kinda mild, actually...they're both fucking IDIOTS!

Therein lies the problem. We, as the American people, are forced to choose between two fucking idiots. Which idiot do we want to run this Country?

Well, I'll tell 'ya which idiot you want to run this Country....ME!

Ya see, both of those other idiots don't have a fuckin' clue as to what it's like to be one of the 'regular' people. They'll talk a bunch of shit about how they were a POW or were the child of a single Parent and bullshit like that, but they have been so far removed from that now that they really don't have any fuckin' idea.

See, they talk in terms of Billions of Dollars like it was nothing. Now, I don't know about you but I can't even really fathom what a Billion Dollars is. I know it's a lot. I know it's more than I've got. I know it's more than you've got. I know it's more than you're gonna win playin 31 in a Bar or shooting Craps in Vegas. I know it's a butt load of money. Other than that, I'm really not familiar with the term Billion except when I think about all the people that want my money and all the little things that I need to do in order to maintain some semblance of civility. Yeah. I got a billion things to do, but I don't got a billion dollars.

Here is my Economic Policy: About all we need to do is stop payin' assholes like these two guys millions of dollars a year for doing...what? Talking shit! Not just them, but every so called 'Government' leader down from the President to the fuckin' Mayor of whatever Podunk you live in. These people get paid BIG bucks for talking shit and carrying papers around and reading the News Paper and being on T.V. and annoying the fuck out of us. Well shit...I can do that. If I can do that, then I think these Politician motherfuckers should be able to go to work every goddamn day for twenty or thirteen or eleven or eight dollars an hour. Hell, maybe they could even work for Minimum Wage....why not? They make us do it. Let them try that shit for awhile! You wanna pay me six figures, or more, to wear nice suits, eat good food, ride in nice cars, stay in nice Hotels and talk shit?....VOTE FOR ME! I won't let you down. Do you think these Politician motherfuckers are worried about how they are going to pay their bills, how they are going to pay the rent, can they pay the Electricity Bill, the Cable Bill....can they put Gas in the car to get to work, can they maybe eat something besides Ramen Noodles for the next two weeks? No. Trust me. They ain't worried about that kinda shit. You know why? I'll tell you why. Cause we pay the fuckers too much. Let them work for the same wages we make and the economy would turn around in a year...two tops.

My Foreign Policy: If you don't belong here...fuck you. If you sneak or snuck (is that a word) into this Country you will be shot. If you don't live here and want to come here...fuck you. There's already enough people here, we don't need your ass cluttering shit up more. Climb back under whatever rock you used to live under and stay the fuck away or you will die. Get it?
I don't give a fuck what happens in Iraq or Afghanistan of Israel or any fuckin where for that matter. The only thing I gotta worry about is home...here. Ya see, if everybody takes care of their own shit, then nobody else has to do it. Unless you come fuckin' around with my Country, I ain't gonna fuck with yours. I doubt I would choose to vacation in Iraq. Capice? i.e. You don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you. You set foot, or bomb or whatever on my Country...I will blow your ass off the face of the Earth the next day. Not years later, but the next day. (Canada, I hope you paid attention to that.) Yeah, I remember that 'Give me you tired, hungry and whatever bull shit....but that's old, outdated shit. From now on it's every Country for itself.

My Domestic Policy: Well, if you did everything that I said in the first two Policies this would be pretty easy. If you didn't...then you're just fucked. I really don't know what to tell you, other than that. If you put all the money that we spend on Politicans that don't do anything but cause trouble and all the money that they spend on Wars that we shouldn't be involved in and all the money (your money) that they spend 'bailing out' companies who's sole purpose is to make money and either gave it back to you or just let you keep it, you'd be able to go to the Doctor if you needed to. You'd be able to pay your bills on time. You wouldn't have to worry about money.
You'd just have to go to work, do your job and be nice to people. That's not to much to ask. I mean, if you want to just not have to do anything, I can't help 'ya. If you want to just Party and Play Golf and take trips to Hawaii and shit like that, more power to 'ya but you're on your own in pullin' that shit off. If you're willing to work for a living then by GOD you should at least get a living you can enjoy and don't have to worry about. That's not too much to ask, it works both ways.

My Energy Policy: Fuck Gasoline! Do you have any idea how much power there is from Nature that we haven't harvested because of Special Interest Groups and MONEY and shit?!?! Fuck! There is fuel. It's not oil. It doesn't come from some other Country. There is fuel. We don't need to drill shit in the Ocean. We don't need to buy it from Iraq, or whoever. We have it right here. We just don't utilize it because the stupid fuckers have made deals with those fuckers for oil, oil, oil.
FUCK OIL! We have miles and miles of fuel growing in fields. It grows every year. We have some smart motherfuckers that figured out how to make a goddamn car run off off Soybeans for Christ sakes.....Jesus........why wouldn't you do that if you can? I mean, if you could figure out a way to plant an empty Beer Can into the ground and it grew into a tree that dropped Beers....you'd do it wouldn't you? Fuck yeah! Same thing. You can grow plants that are fuel that wil run your car. We wouldn't have to pay those Hadjis nuthin' But the Government has already made some sort of Blow Job deal with the 'Oil Nations' that has put us in our current situation.
Fuck that. We got plants, we got wind, we got water.....and we have some smart motherfuckers that know how to make that shit work. Fuck. I don't even see why there's a question here.

I'll leave you (in a blur) to consider this.
I saw a Blurb on the News a coule of days ago. It informed me that the Sun was getting weaker.
**blink blink** Think about that for a second.
Okay. Then it told me that Earth wouldn't really be able to notice it for years but that it would allow Satellites to stay in orbit longer.
**blink blink**
It seemed to be no big deal.

The Sun is getting weaker?
Priorities people. Priorities.

VOTE FOR ME!

(I don't even ask for donations)

Just Another Quick Observation

I got a call today from a guy in Florida. He needed to update his software. That's not a problem, except for the fact that he was in the midst of 50 mile per hour winds and he said they'd already got 18 inches of rain and it was still raining.

During the 'attempted' software update, the power kept going out in his house, windows and doors kept blowing open, his dogs were freakin' out, his Wife was chasing the windows and doors and dogs around and making squealing noises. While I was trying to tell him what he needed to do amidst all the chaos he just kinda seemed like he wanted to 'talk'. He kept talking about the storm that he was sitting in the middle of. He told me all about how Disney World and all that stuff shut down because of the weather. He told me about plywood and nails and screws and spray paint.

I told him to click "Next".

At some point in time, my 'human' side kicked in and took the controls away from my Tech. Support personality. I asked him, "Do you think this is the best time to be doing this? I mean, maybe you should call back when the Storm blows over". I'll probably hear about that from my Supervisor, but you have to understand, I could hear the Wind and the Rain that was going on around him. I could hear the windows and doors flapping around. I could hear the dogs going nuts and his Wife going insane in the background. It's was chaos. At one point he said, "Oh shit, there goes my Garage Door". Dude was like, "Fuck it, this Laptop has lots of Battery left".

Maybe it's just me, but...

Anyway, we got his software updated. I gotta give the Dude props for 'grace under pressure'.
I hope he and his family are all okay. I hope everybody in the path of the Storm in Florida is okay, for that matter.

Don't really have a point here other than that.

Peace.

Just An Observation

I currently work for a very large International Corporation. My job is to talk to people on the phone, all day, and help them with whatever they seem to be having a problem with regarding our product. I love my job. I really do. It's interesting stuff that I do. I talk to people from all over North America all...day...long. In the short time that I've been doing this I've learned a great deal about the attitudes of the people that live in various parts of the country. My observations,thus far, are as follows:

1. Most people in Canada are assholes. I don't really know why they are or what their problem is
but they are assholes. They've just got a really bad attitude for some reason. They even hate
themselves. Some parts of Canada hate other people in other parts of Canada. I guess it's a
French thing, I don't know.
My advice to you assholes in Canada...get over yourself!

2. The Assholishness of the people in Canada pales in comparison to the Assholes in the
Northeastern States of America. You know, places like New York, New Jersey,
Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Connecticut...all that shit. These Motherfuckers have
serious issues. I mean damn! They are just pissed off at the World! I think they wake up
pissed off, spend the whole day pissed off, go to bed pissed off and then do it again the next
day. Man, it must suck to be you. Have you ever considered moving?
My advice to you assholes in the Northeast...don't ever come around here with that attitude
'cause I promise you somebody will beat the shit out of you real quick. Pay attention.

3. Now. On to to Michigan. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Do you think you're special
because you live in Michigan? Do you think the World owes you something because you live in
Michigan? Apparently you think you're better than everybody else because you live in
Michigan. Well, think again...Motherfucker. You're just a bunch of spoiled-assed brats that
inherited a bunch of money from your dead parents. I'm sorry for your loss but don't expect
the rest of the World to wipe your ass for you. Okay?
My advice to you Motherfuckers is...grow the fuck up.

4. And then we move on to California. Now I know that California is supposed to be all laid back
and cool and mellow and shit, but from what I can tell I sense a lot of tension in your voices.
You're not rude or angry or any of that shit...you're just, stressed. I'm worried about you.
Really. I understand that you have to move faster and do more because you're in "California",
but, seriously, you need to just relax a little bit.
My advice to you guys...'Don't forget to breathe'.

5. As for the rest of the Country, well...you're pretty much okay. Some of you are really cool and
some of you suck. That's okay. That's as it should be. Some of you amaze me in the fact that
you're able to even use a telephone. How you managed to even get your shit together enough
to go to a store and purchase one of our devices speaks volumes about your tenacity. Some of
you are really just too stupid to live. That's okay. We'll let you do that. Some of you are pretty
cool. That's cool too. We'll let you do that.
My advice to you guys...just keep on being you.

In summation: Canada...Fuck You! Northeast...Fuck You harder!! Michigan...Eat shit and die.
California...relax dudes. The rest of the Country...Good Luck!

Peace.

I Love Living In These Apartments

I had kind of a semi 'out of body experience after work today. I was doing Laundry, not an activity I normally associate with that of the ethereal realm.

I went over to the Laundry Room as I've done for five or six years now. One of the Washing Machines was in use and the other was empty. Normally I kinda like to separate my dark shit from my light shit, call me racist whatever, but in the event there is only one machine available I'll just shove all my shit in there together. I ain't proud...or prejudiced. Such was the case this evening.

As I'm cramming all my shit into one Washing Machine I hear someone come about halfway down the stairs behind me. They stop. I go on about my business without turning around to see who it is 'cause I really don't give a shit who it is. After a few moments of silence I hear, "Did you move my Laundry out of that machine"? Without turning around I replied, in all honesty, "Nope". A few more moments of silence then I hear them going up the stairs again. Then I hear them come about halfway down the stairs again and say "Just so you'll know, if anybody moves my Laundry out of one of these machines it'll be the worst mistake you ever made".

It was at this point the semi 'out of body experience' kicked in. At this particular point in time I had no idea who was on the stairs behind me as I hadn't turned to acknowledge them. I had merely uttered an honest, one word reply to their question. For all I knew they were 6'5" and weighed 250 pounds. When I heard..."Just so you'll know, if anybody moves my Laundry out of one of these machines it'll be the worst mistake you ever made" something in my little brain just must have fired off in the wrong direction. I immediately busted out laughing. I don't mean just a little chuckle either, I mean I was laughing my ass off...loudly. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, I don't like doing laundry but it was just a normal, routine laundry day until I heard that. I turned around, at last, to see who had just spewed that ridiculous bullshit at me and commenced to become somewhat Demon possessed.

While still laughing my ass off I informed the individual, between maniacal bursts of laughter, of the following little piece of information: "Motherfucker I WISH that would be the worst mistake I've ever made! I've done a lot of fucked up shit and trust me, that won't even make the list. So why don't you just shut up, leave me alone, never speak to me again and let me do my Laundry before I DO make another mistake...that counts"?

Dude. That's just not like me. I'm a very laid back, easy goin' guy. I wasn't in a bad mood, not pissed about anything, hadn't even had a beer yet. Just something about a remark that fucking stupid that landed in a part of my brain that...well, I think if it had gone on much longer I would have turned green, swollen up to about five times my normal size, fucked my clothes all up and gone all Incredible Hulk on his ass. It could happen. Now, all these years later, I think I understand Dr. Banner's dilemma.

You have to remember I was laughing my ass off the whole time I was relating that little piece of information to them. He just looked at me and then went away. I continued doing my Laundry. As it turns out, he wasn't 6'5" and didn't weigh 250 pounds. He was a little scrawny fucker about my size in his mid to late twenties. Hell, I could have beat him senseless with that half a box of Tide and a couple of Dryer sheets. (That would have been a list-worthy mistake.) I'm sure he's convinced that I'm completely insane and for that moment I suppose maybe I was. Had he been 6'5" and weighed 250 pounds...I would have told him the same thing. I was still laughing as he went back up the stairs. I was still laughing when I walked back over to my Cave. I'm still laughing now. Worst mistake I ever made....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Just another day in The Cave.

Peace.

Strike When the Iron is Hot

Yeah, I know, I've gotten off the A-Z Music thing (for the moment) but I gotta be in my 'happy place' to do stuff like that. I haven't been there for awhile.



I'm beyond happy that I finally got a fuckin' job! Shit, I'm ecstatic over that! You have no idea. I've been working for 'Mom and Pop' Company's for the past 23 years and now...I got a job with an International Real Assed Corporation Company Like Place. Fuck! I'm seriously freakin' out. I'm not worried about the job, itself, I know I can do that. It's just the 'Culture Shock' part of it that is freakin' me out.



A friend of mine turned me on to a place that sells clothes. I needed new clothes for this job.

I got a shit load of new clothes really cheap ($8.89 a piece). Steve and Barry's, I'm tellin' 'ya, that place is THE SHIT! I will never have a need to shop for clothes at any other place. It is fuckin' awesome! Everything....(for the most part) $8.98. Five pairs of Chino's and three dress shirts for $77.24...? Where the fuck else are you gonna do that, huh? Awesome.



So I get home,the other day, and wash all these clothes. I notice all the shirts fit fine, but the pants are just a tad too big. I ponder the situation for a few moments then I go to Foo's and just have a wonderful evening with a few wonderful people. Foo's is the best Establishment you've never been too...



So, during my training for the New Job, I've been getting up early...like 5:30 am. That's not really a problem 'cause I can't sleep for shit anyway...it's more of just getting into a routine. I woke up at 4:00 am. this morning. I did my usual thing, watch the News, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes. Then I shaved, showered and got dressed in some of my old 'Business Casual' clothes. I went to the Bank and deposited my next to the next to the last Unemployment Check I'm gonna get. Then, I went to Walgreens and bought some Labels, to put on the big Envelope that contained all the Paperwork that they wanted. I just think printed labels look better so then I came back to The Cave and spent about an hour figuring out how to print these fuckin' labels.

Then I went and delivered my paperwork to my new employer. I noticed that all the hundreds of people that work there were in Jeans and Cut-off shorts and shit like that. Fine. I'll be over dressed. I don't care. I'll work into that groove later.


It was about 11:00 am by then. I had all the these new clothes, washed and dryed but not ironed. I had an iron, already, but I never really used it much. When I ironed something I'd just throw a towel on the floor and iron it there. It never worked out very well but that's just the way I rolled. On this day, I went and bought an Ironing Board. I am familiar with this device in that I used to see my Mom use one. Then Mom hired a Maid and Mrs. Miller used it. Then, when Mrs. Miller got fired, Mrs. Johnson used it. It was all the same Ironing Board, just different Old Lady's at the helm.

Anyway, I set up my new Ironing Board and then I go get The Iron. (dun, dun, duh)! It was all fucked up. Natch!. There was some sort of brown shit all over the bottom of it. I don't know what the fuck it was. It looked like Scotch Tape or somethin', and it would not come off. Now here is a little lesson part for you. You don't be Ironin' New Clothes with a fucked up Iron lest your New Clothes become fucked up!. Capice? So, I commenced to cleaning whatever the fuck this shit was off the bottom of my Iron. It would have been far easier to drive about a block to the Hardware Store and buy a new Iron, but noooo.....I gotta do shit the hard way. The Old School Way. I spent about 2 hours cleaning this goop off of the bottom of my Iron. I tried a variety of substances and concoctions thereof. I finally got it cleaned off and began to Iron my New Clothes.
It was at that point I began to miss Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Johnson. It was at that point that I began to respect their 'art'...what they did. I'm sure both of them have long since passed on, as they were old ladies when I knew them, but I send them my utmost respect. They were awesome old Ladies.

Anyway, I commenced to Ironing. FUCK! That shit is immgoddamnpossible! There is no fucking way to Iron out one wrinkle without creating another one. It's like one of those old really genius guys said "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". I think it was Newton, but I could be wrong. Whatever, he was right. Ironing is fucking impossible. It just is. I guess they used to be able to do it back in the day, but now....it's just fuckin' impossible.

I spent about 4 or 5 hours Ironing five pairs of pants and 4 shirts. I swear Ironing is like trying to work a Rubik's Cube, blindfolded, in a dark room. Jeeze! They came out okay, but fuck, it shouldn't take that long to do that. I have since been trying to summon the spirit of Mrs. Johnson. She just keeps telling me to shut up and eat my Sandwich.

Peace

Doo, Doo, Doo Lookin' Out My Backdoor

I know I broke the alphabetical chain of events but, whatever. Besides that, I'm having a hard time finding Van Morrison Videos of any quality and Van Halen/Hagar...meh, whatever.

I had a hard time deciding whether to call the entry what I did, or 'It's a Lovely Day in the Neighborhood'. Either would have worked.

Since I've been unemployed I've been spending a lot of time here in The Cave. Like all fuckin' day long for days on end! It sucks. However, I've noticed that the above scene is a pretty frequent occurrence. At least twice a week, sometimes three or more. It kind of depends on the day and the time of day. It happens a lot.

Granted, I don't live in the 'best' part of Town. I'd like to move, but shit! It's all I can afford right now. Actually, I live within spittin' distance of the worst part of town but that's beside the point. What was my point? Oh, yeah...it's The Cops.

Now I don't know why The Cops are over at this location at 4:00pm on a Wednesday afternoon. As long as they're not fuckin' with me I'm happy. I didn't hear any Gun fire, I didn't hear anybody yellin' and screamin' and shit. I had the screen door open all day and I would have heard this shit from a 1/2 block away. Nothin'.

What you need to understand is that The Cops in this Town/City/Gestapo/OPKS wannabes are insane with power. I think they just passed a City ordinance that Farting is a Misdemeanor. Farting and Burping at the same time is a Civil Offense. Leaving the Toilet Seat up is a Class A Felony. It's ridiculous. I have this picture, in my head, of a bunch of Goobers in Cop Cars with weapons going, "Watch me bust this Old Lady 'cause she went outside the Lines of the Crosswalk with her Grocery Cart. Heh, heheh...it'll be great".

They couldn't catch a 'Real Criminal' if somebody threw one at them. Hence, they bust regular, normal, Law abiding citizens for fun...and stats.

I bet the people the were fuckin' with in the picture above are guilty of letting their Lawn get 1/2 inch too long.

OPD is a bunch of Pussies with too much power. If you live in this area you live in a Police State. Like it or not, it's a fact. (But you're safe if you're an illegal, they got your back.)

Out.

Brought To You By The Letter U

Where was I? Oh, yes...here's that same guy again. This times he's with the second Band that he put together. They were an awesome band. They never achieved anything more than a Cult following either though. This first one is one of their best songs from the 1984,Oblivion album. Nobody else liked it but I do. I've got it on one of the Bands Retrospective or Anthology VHS Tapes. I really need to update my shit to DVD. It features Willie Wilcox on The Worlds Most Awesome Drum Set. I saw that thing in Springfield, MO during their RA Tour. It was spectacular. And, yes, that Blonde chick is the one that used to be on Night Court before Markie Post.



I know there's more Bands that start with U but whatever. This next one was kinda like this Bands 'Freebird', of course it wasn't as well known and you'll probably never hear it on the Radio. They closed their shows with it, at least the three that I saw. It was a different line up to the Band when they did it in 1975, way different, but it's the same song. It's kinda been a motivational song for me through the years. I think I want it played at my Funeral (which could be any day now if I don't find a fuckin' job soon). "Somehow,someday we need just one victory and we're on our way. Prayin' for it all day, fightin' for it all night we need just one victory and we'll be alright".
I'm still waiting for one.



Peace.